Wonder what it’s like to have a mental problem?

With me it’s the constant paranoia, this sends me into panic
attack mode, then this sends me into a constant depression and you want to
stote yourself off a very high cliff.

I have contemplated suicide, it’s not nice having those
thoughts in your head, and you feel so useless and a waste of space, you also
want to make it all easy for others, this is always the reason why I pull away,
so far, what would be the effect on my family, will they be fully upset, angry,
will it put them into debit for burning me, etc. The last thing you thing about
is yourself.

I have attempted Suicide twice in my life, the first time
was to chuck myself in front of a bus, messy and very final, or would it would
I be killed right away, or will I would be paralysed, being more of a burden to
my parents. Then think of the driver, what if he did kill me, he would be
driving the method of my death, maybe their children on board, see you don’t
think of yourself only others.

And this is my life every day, a struggle to stay sane. I have
only seen a psychiatrist once in my life and that was when I was young and not
aware of my depressions, I’m also very introverted, this is probable why I have
not let anyone get close to me, I also panic VERY easily, and struggle with paranoia,
I’m a psychiatrists’ wet dream, they could do a book on me.

This is what angers me in the world today, people with
mental health issues are classed as attention seeking, and lazy, try for
example take time of work as I have done, as I took a mini breakdown, and you’re
are classed as a waste of space, which really helps.

So me, what’s the future?

I am on the happy pills, probably will be on them for the
rest of my life, my therapy at the moment is this, one I have spoken to my
doctor, who promise to get me to a psychiatrist, that has not come through, and
two I cannot at moment to go private, even if no one reads this, it’s good to
get your frustration out to the world.

Now the happy pills are kicking in I better sign off before I
conk out in front of my laptop.

Mad mental forever