Hello, I am here listening to music, as it seems to be the
only way, other than this to drown out the thoughts in my head.
I wish my depression tablets were working, but they haven’t since
I went on them, the problem I have is that I haven’t got any way to switch off
my horrible thoughts, its like the volume control doesn’t work. To give an example
of this, I am constantly having dreams of being at work, and feeling trapped,
and back where I was in school, being bullied for being ‘different’ I think all
my confidence went, on what happened in that school, children are bastards, and
they grow up to be adult bastards, to be honest, us humans, (and I include
myself in this,) we are fucking awful, we have horrible minds, we are horrible
to the animals living with us on the planet, we are actually killing this
spinning rock that we are on, and now the ‘geniuses,’ and I use the word very loosely,
and maybe wrongly, want to go out to other planets, and conquer them, only to
do the bloody same!
I don’t believe in any religion, spooky man upstairs, with
his son, and doonstairs the bad man in the Burney fire, we are molecules of
carbon, we will cop one’s whack, get ether burnt or buried, go back into the
ground and be fertiliser, for more wee bastards! We are not some big experiment,
we are not even top of the food chain, or even may be the cleverest, (if idiots
can vote for an openly racist, bigot, molester beast in trump, I would say a
fucking monkey sitting in his own shit has more mental capability then us!) But
why do we think this? The simple answer is we are taught this, the thing is
when we came out the primordial ooze, we were a we furry rat like thing, and fucking
dinosaurs ruled the world, now look at them?
I am not in one of my rants, andi being depressing again, I really
feel this, and felt it at a young age. My mother is religious and has a saying “we
will not go to hell, as we are already in it! We are really, not the burney fire
shit, just the promise of a good life, just out of reach! That will be on my
fucking gravestone!
Well what’s next? The only thing that’s not happened is me
fucking collapsing with ether a stroke, or a heart attacks, (thanks to lovely
genetics, I have that to look forward to, bless!)
