I
am here up @ 3am cannot sleep. Its 3 days to the big grill on Saturday, I hate
talking about myself, which is why I talk through this. Everyone is telling me
I am going to be cut off, and that is putting me in a downer.
I
started my life in therapy on Monday, it seemed to help understand why I am
what I am, its mainly due to my life growing up. I have black moods, lack or no
confidence, anxiety, no self-respect in myself.
As
I sit here writing this, not being able to sleep, I want to, but every time I
close my eyes I see my future flashing behind my lids!
Its
taking longer to write these rants now, not that I don’t have shit to put down,
but my head is too full of shit, whirling around, hence lack of sleep. It is horrible
having a mind like mine, that just won’t shut up. Painting sometimes takes the
frustrating out, but again, I have the same issue there, I get up to place the
first stroke, and my mind takes over and I’m back in the black again.
It
is the black dog, its well named, as like a dog its liable to strike out, and
it effects the others around me.
