Is it me or am I getting bored with life now! Down now,

I am getting to a stage where topping myself becomes more
interesting to me every day.

The thought of spending another 4 years in Belsen, (yep I know,
Belsen was a death camp, and they went through so much more than you,) but it’s
not far off.

When I first started my role, I was there to take payments, maybe
change something on accounts.

Now I do that, have to sell like del-boy out of only fools and
horses, act as a debit councillor, (funny though in the same role, as the heavy
trying to recover the debit,) also take the abuse the customer throws at us,
and all with a sweet smile on my face. We’re expected, not to feel stress, not
to get down, not in my case want to end it all. I have seriously thought about

I have taken the pains that I suffer to the highest level;
there are days where I can go through 8 painkillers in one day, just to stop
the pain, where I don’t want to feel sick.

Feeling down now, I feel that expressing this over to
people, I don’t know is the only thing that is keeping me sane.

Maybe one day, when I keel over at work, and I get wheeled
out in the rubber bin-bag. Someone will look at this and say ‘he did have
feelings, he wasn’t just a number’


Even sounds like I am a prisoner, 59794, even they get time
off for good behaviour