So, where has my life got to, so to speak, up a close, along
the street?

Weeeelllllll, idiotic queen that I am, I probably not amount
to much, job that is slowly killing me, I am not joking with that one, the
headaches are getting worse every day, I sometimes want to cry out with the

I have to manage my life in we silent compartments, smile
like a mental, keep my mouth shut, and also get pelted with shit, and thank
people for the privilege of getting it.

Run myself into the ground, so I come home at night, and
fall in my bed.

I have no life, never will have, let’s face it no one will
have me, (nope is no ‘think I’ll go and eat worms,’) I know I will have no
relationship, I just am not designed that way, I don’t want people wanting me,
it means I will have to give something in return, I can’t do that, can’t show
people the real me, (even here.)

I also get the feeling that I will die quite suddenly, my
health is quite poor, I know I have brought this on myself. My biggest fear is
for this to happen at work, for the shitty screens you see in ‘carry on’ films
to surround me, to fall on that flea infested carpet, to also have my fellow
inmates to carry on work after my death. The biggest fear is to be put in a
body bag and wheeled out like the trash.

I also feel my depressions are getting the better of me,
that one day; I will just give up and top myself, well maybe one day.

As you can tell dear readers, I am in one of my down times, I
have not got the designer illness by-the-way, bi-polar, and I am just naturally

Any hoo, before I put ma heid in the oven, (knowing my luck,
the gas will go out!)