Well it has been a shit couple of months, and I so need take get ma medication upped.
I have not blogged for a while, and although I love you, I need to have the need to write, and once I start it comes put like drivel!
So its quarter to one on a Saturday morning, I have most haunted in the background, I have trapped wind and am fucking depressed. Not a head in the oven depressed, (though i have been there before,) no this is the shitty feeling inside, where you think the whole world is against you.
I am a walking contradiction, I portray the camp fun loving Andi on the outside and on the inside I want to claw my face off.
Its a horrible feeling depression, where you feel like you are shit and worthless, a small pill I take at night, that knocks you bandy, is meant to make me cope throuout the day, really doesn’t, and if i go onto any higher medication, I would be going inte lithium territory. I am not going to get wired up tae the National grid for anyone.
The best way to describe how I feel , is a smaller version of yourself, in front of you, stating that your a fucking state, your a waste of life, away and go do someone a favour and kill yourself!
And this is a horrible feeling, as you look around at the people around you, and you can see in their faces that they are agreeing with this.
I will have this with me till the end of my life, that’s a sobering thought.
Anyhoow
Time to sleep
Ahoy hoy
Andi
