Here
I am, cannot sleep again!
I
would try repeatedly banging my head aff a brick wall, but I would not wish to
lose any braincells I have left. My mind will not switch off, I lay in bed, in
the dark, I close my eyes, and my worries come forward like a horrible
nightmare. You then sit there awake and still the worries flash in front of
you. I switch on audible on my echo, and it sits and drones in the background,
and I try and read, this is hopeless, your mind seems to say to you, “really!
Your reading this guff, when the world outside is going to fuck!” I put my
kindle down in a huff and lay back down into the dark.
I
cannot see the joy in life, my glass is not half empty, mine is fully empty,
and there is no sign of it being refilled. I have always been a negative
person, its better to expect the worse, you don’t get disappointed later. This
is not normal, I know that, but I cannot stand these people who bang the drum,
clap away like living on this fucking rock is a good thing. Its not there is a
finite life, your born, out of extreme pain to your mother, try to make it
through childhood, (I did not,) Go into adulthood, in a dead end job that you
hate, then in old age, when you have finally got peace and quiet, you cop your
whack! People want to see a meaning of this, I don’t I want to get through
life, and be a nice pile of ash at the end. Morbid I know, giving in I know!
But is been a shit life so far, and I don’t think this is going to change
anytime soon.
The
braincells are now screaming, that they want sleep now, (fickle bastards,) I
cant even claim its tv keeping me awake at night, I bearly watch it now, there
is nothing but rubbish on and repeated over and over again!
I
have had one bit of rebellion though, as I have quit Facebook, two reasons for
this, one, you really know who your friends are when you have a breakdown, you
get the opening platitudes, then your yesterday’s news, two I was sick of being
fodder for right wing bastards looking to end the world sooner!
Anyhoo
im away to sleep!
Ta
ta
