I am, cannot sleep again!

would try repeatedly banging my head aff a brick wall, but I would not wish to
lose any braincells I have left. My mind will not switch off, I lay in bed, in
the dark, I close my eyes, and my worries come forward like a horrible
nightmare. You then sit there awake and still the worries flash in front of
you. I switch on audible on my echo, and it sits and drones in the background,
and I try and read, this is hopeless, your mind seems to say to you, “really!
Your reading this guff, when the world outside is going to fuck!” I put my
kindle down in a huff and lay back down into the dark.

cannot see the joy in life, my glass is not half empty, mine is fully empty,
and there is no sign of it being refilled. I have always been a negative
person, its better to expect the worse, you don’t get disappointed later. This
is not normal, I know that, but I cannot stand these people who bang the drum,
clap away like living on this fucking rock is a good thing. Its not there is a
finite life, your born, out of extreme pain to your mother, try to make it
through childhood, (I did not,) Go into adulthood, in a dead end job that you
hate, then in old age, when you have finally got peace and quiet, you cop your
whack! People want to see a meaning of this, I don’t I want to get through
life, and be a nice pile of ash at the end. Morbid I know, giving in I know!
But is been a shit life so far, and I don’t think this is going to change
anytime soon.

braincells are now screaming, that they want sleep now, (fickle bastards,) I
cant even claim its tv keeping me awake at night, I bearly watch it now, there
is nothing but rubbish on and repeated over and over again!

have had one bit of rebellion though, as I have quit Facebook, two reasons for
this, one, you really know who your friends are when you have a breakdown, you
get the opening platitudes, then your yesterday’s news, two I was sick of being
fodder for right wing bastards looking to end the world sooner!

im away to sleep!