Well
where to begin? Shall I start at the doctor saying, I do have traits of autism,
since childhood, but will not arrange a diagnosis, as this would cost mone…sorry
I am too old. I would laugh, but they way my life was going I would have
expected it. Instead, as usual I ran away and hid, going into a meltdown, I ran
to my old friend, art. But digress, I was, as usual, expecting to get an answer
to why my brain has acted the way it has since childhood. Well getting kicked
back down to my old depression was what I got.
And
the big back dog is back, and it is savage, I was clearly agitated that day
with this doctor, practically begging him on my knees, and what I got was a
note on headed note paper, stating “I suspect this man had* had issues with autism
since childhood, and has not been resolved” and I got a prescription with an anti-psychotic.
Mainly to shut me up.
I
am also without my therapist due to a fucking migraine, and now I’m having to
wait for nearly a month to get this all off my chest. I was weary at first, telling
my shit life so far, but I have done this on this blog for a while now, what’s
one more person going to hurt, especially if it gives me a focus?
Now
let me get back to the real cause of my stress and panic. I got a letter from
work, again saying they have done everything possible to get in touch with me,
and I have been an evil boy not getting back to them, or words to that effect. I
have been getting my recurring dreams of being chased round my old school, by
senior management at my work, it would be laughable, if I did not wake up in
cold sweats!
Now
I must think about going back to that hateful place, with no support frightens
me even more!
I
am back with Facebook, it’s like crack, addictive! To my credit, it was mainly
to join groups to meet, and talk to more gay people, still not helping, but I am
back to the joys of chain letters, crappy, proverbs, and the new one, people
from Nigeria, and the Philippines, pretending to be westerners, looking to have
a relationship with me, or maybe to scam money, I kid you not! They are not even
very good at it, you can spot them a mile away, the bad English, and the poor grammar,
it is like being on the phone to an overseas call centre. I think they get
their English from a phrase book, or apocalypse now! Sucky sucky, and all that!
What angers me, rather than thinking it a laugh, is on my profile, and in
conversation on Facebook, or any dating site, I make them aware of my mental
condition. So effectively they are praying on the weak, I luckily saw through
it, but others may not. Another reason why I think humans are the pond scum of
the universe, and we should never infect ourselves on the rest of it! Elon
fucking cunty musk, take note!
On
a side note, the British diver, he called a ‘nonce’ is suing the little publicity
seeking bastard! So, there is some good news!
So,
the fight goes on for my Asperger’s diagnosis! And I will keep you updated.
Ta-rah!
*what scares me, is a medical doctor, thinks autism is curable, with the past tense of the word “had”
