where to begin? Shall I start at the doctor saying, I do have traits of autism,
since childhood, but will not arrange a diagnosis, as this would cost mone…sorry
I am too old. I would laugh, but they way my life was going I would have
expected it. Instead, as usual I ran away and hid, going into a meltdown, I ran
to my old friend, art. But digress, I was, as usual, expecting to get an answer
to why my brain has acted the way it has since childhood. Well getting kicked
back down to my old depression was what I got.

the big back dog is back, and it is savage, I was clearly agitated that day
with this doctor, practically begging him on my knees, and what I got was a
note on headed note paper, stating “I suspect this man had* had issues with autism
since childhood, and has not been resolved” and I got a prescription with an anti-psychotic.
Mainly to shut me up.

am also without my therapist due to a fucking migraine, and now I’m having to
wait for nearly a month to get this all off my chest. I was weary at first, telling
my shit life so far, but I have done this on this blog for a while now, what’s
one more person going to hurt, especially if it gives me a focus?

let me get back to the real cause of my stress and panic. I got a letter from
work, again saying they have done everything possible to get in touch with me,
and I have been an evil boy not getting back to them, or words to that effect. I
have been getting my recurring dreams of being chased round my old school, by
senior management at my work, it would be laughable, if I did not wake up in
cold sweats!

I must think about going back to that hateful place, with no support frightens
me even more!

am back with Facebook, it’s like crack, addictive! To my credit, it was mainly
to join groups to meet, and talk to more gay people, still not helping, but I am
back to the joys of chain letters, crappy, proverbs, and the new one, people
from Nigeria, and the Philippines, pretending to be westerners, looking to have
a relationship with me, or maybe to scam money, I kid you not! They are not even
very good at it, you can spot them a mile away, the bad English, and the poor grammar,
it is like being on the phone to an overseas call centre. I think they get
their English from a phrase book, or apocalypse now! Sucky sucky, and all that!
What angers me, rather than thinking it a laugh, is on my profile, and in
conversation on Facebook, or any dating site, I make them aware of my mental
condition. So effectively they are praying on the weak, I luckily saw through
it, but others may not. Another reason why I think humans are the pond scum of
the universe, and we should never infect ourselves on the rest of it! Elon
fucking cunty musk, take note!

a side note, the British diver, he called a ‘nonce’ is suing the little publicity
seeking bastard! So, there is some good news!

the fight goes on for my Asperger’s diagnosis! And I will keep you updated.


*what scares me, is a medical doctor, thinks autism is curable, with the past tense of the word “had”